↓跳到主要内容

笔记：Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

Miki 养娃攻略
目录

Tracy Hogg 的程序育儿系列第一部 Secrets of the Baby Whisperer（中文版：婴语的秘密）。从图书馆拿到这本书的时候，发现前半本已经被翻得有点烂，最开始的几页有一些水渍和其他黄色褐色的渍，很惨的样子。不知道有多少人深陷育儿大坑，翻这书救命呢。

另外发现一个台湾妈妈也对这本书做了笔记。

Chapter 1: Loving the Baby You Gave Birth To #

  • 5 days to a couple of months after birth is the best time to know the baby (or what kind of personality the baby have).
    • The angel: feeds, plays, sleeps easily, and take simulants well.
    • The textbook: makes predictable cues, and makes the right development at the right time – few surprises.
    • The touchy: ultrasensitive o sounds, cries for no reason sometimes, needs peace and quiet; good to swaddle, “sh”, and rhythmic pats on the back.
    • The spirited: vocal/agressive, makes jerky movements; needs swaddling to fall asleep, and likes grab his/her own bottle/toys.
    • The grumpy: whimpy, irritable, doesn’t smile; requires patience, loud “sh"s, and swaying front to back.
  • Home coming routine: slow things down.
    • introduce the baby to each room via a dialogue
    • make some tea
    • give the baby a bath/feed
    • take a nap
  • Tip: get everything ready a month before the due date – put sheets on the crib, get wipes and diapers on the changing table, wash baby’s new clothes, stock the fridge.

总结：回家了以后 baby 的性格很快就显现出来了，不过需要仔细观察。章节里提供了调查表，建议两个人各完成一份，以确定 baby 的性格。另外 baby 虽然不会说话但也是个人类，所以要在言语、举止间展现对 baby 的尊重。不是单方面对 baby 说话，而是两人对话。

Chapter 2: E.A.S.Y. Does It #

  • Establishing a structured routine strikes the balance between needs of the baby, and the needs of the parents.
    • Eating: (25-40 min) 2.5 - 3 hours intervals in between.
    • Activity: (45 min) things like diaper changes, bathing, cooing in the crib, out for a stroll.
    • sleeping: (15 min to fall asleep + 0.5 ~ 1 hr) babies usually need to learn how to put themselves to sleep.
    • You: 1+ hrs while the baby’s asleep
  • Why it works: good for babies to know what to expect, helps parents interpret the baby, facilitates cooperative parenting.
  • Tips:
    • Try to start doing this from Day 1, and for everything you do now, think about whether it helps creating the routine that sustain in the longer term.
    • Be organized, but be flexible – expect different (types of) babies to take the routine at different paces (up to 12 weeks?); the routine might change when the baby gets a couple of months older.
    • Make sure to observe what the baby needs, especially when the routine stops working. For example, a baby starts to fall sleep after nursing, and it turned out that the baby are getting shorter sleeps, so the parent responded by putting the baby back to sleep for a bit longer.
  • To observe the baby’s behavior, try keeping a log.

总结：推荐了 E.A.S.Y. 法，吃、动、睡这3件事每天循环几次，规律作息。需要一段时间（大概几周到几个月）进入这种作息，也有可能随时会跳出合理作息，所以要写 log 帮助观察。月龄小的时候循环比较勤，月龄越大每个循环内时间越长。发现了作息的一些例子，还有一个家长的执行体会。

Chapter 3: S.L.O.W. Down (and Appreciate Your Baby’s Language) #

  • A crying baby doesn’t mean bad parenting, nor should the parent be embarassed – learn to tolerate the sound of crying.
  • Slow: try not to bolt onto the baby immediately just to stop that crying
    • the baby needs to develop his/her voice
    • foster the baby’s self-soothing skills
    • it takes time to learn the baby’s language
  • Listen: listen to what the baby is saying. A couple of things to consider:
    • the time of day, previous activities, growth spurts
    • the context: any noises in the house/neighborhood, odors in the air, temperature in the room, longer/unfamiliar encounters outdoors
    • negative emotions of your self can also be picked up by the baby
  • Observe: the baby’s gestures, facial expressions and body postures usually communicate what the baby needs.
    • from head to toe: head, eyes, mouth/lips/tongue, face, hands/arms, torso, skin, legs
  • What’s up: there are only a couple of causes for baby’s cries, and each of them usually maps to distinctive crying tones (unless left unattended for too long)
    • tired/overtired
    • overstimulated
    • needs a change of scenery
    • pain/gas
    • hunger
    • too cold
    • too hot
    • “Where’d you do? I need a cuddle.”
    • overfeeding
    • bowel movement

总结：推荐了 S.L.O.W. 法。心态上有两点：

  1. 不要不寻求原因就急着止哭，这样不能解决根本问题，还会导致 baby 哭声变得单一化；
  2. 不要不顾事实凭空 assume 原因，尤其是不要把自己的想法加在 baby 身上。技术上也有两点，但是需要练习：
    1. 联想过去几小时／一天／一段时间 baby 的表现推测哭声代表什么意思；
    2. 每种肢体语言代表什么意思——书里提供了表格。

Chapter 4: Eating #

  • You could do breastfeeding, formula, or both; make sure to have the right feeding position, do burping before and after, listen for the swallowing sound, and watch for weight gains.
  • Breastfeeding
    • The breast gets stimulated by baby’s suckling, sending a message to the brain to produce/release milk. So there could be a delay in between suckling and milk getting out.
    • Try practicing while pregnant, and feed as close to the baby’s birth as you can – a schedule is provided for the first 4 days.
    • Use one side per feed and don’t switch sides during a feed; this allows the baby to take in hind milk.
    • Baby at 4-8 weeks get 2-5 oz of milk up to 40 min; 8-12 weeks – 4-6 oz, 30 min; 3-6 months – 5-8 oz, 20 min.
    • Store breast milk in the fridge up to 72 hours; do not heat with microwave – use warm water instead.
  • Some special situations for increased feeding: snacking (bad habit), growth spurts (every couple of weeks, up to 48 hrs each time – give both breasts and/or more formula)
  • Formula feeding
    • Cow-milk based vs soy based – the author prefers cow-milk.
    • Pick nipples that looks like breasts – the author recommends Haberman feeders because the baby controls the flow, not gravity.
    • How much: 3 oz/3 hrs for 0-3 weeks, 4 oz/3 hrs for 3-6 weeks, 4~6 oz/4 hrs for 6-12 weeks, 8 oz/4 hrs for 3-6 months.
  • Both
    • Allow 3 weeks to make the switch if baby haven’t used bottles before.
  • Weaning (introducing solid food) should start at 6 months.
    • Introduce 1 food at a time (twice a day for 2 weeks), in the morning, and observe any allergic reactions during the day.

总结：一系列跟吃有关的问题。母乳方面需要学习和练习（有的长达40天）。奶粉方面需要找到合适的奶粉和瓶口。如果既要用母乳又要用奶瓶，需要一定时间转换。不管是母乳还是奶粉，都要关注到底有没有吃下去（听吞咽的声音和称体重）。6个月开始可以开始介绍固体食物，从水果蔬菜和 oatmeal 开始。

Chapter 5: Activity #

  • When the baby wakes up, there’s usually 3 alarms asking for attention: fussy/fidgeting, coughlike cry, and all-out cry.
  • Diapering tips
    • Announce your intention before changing the diaper, and follow up with calling out (dialog) each step during the process.
    • Shoot for finishing in 5 minutes to minimize the baby’s discomfort.
  • Avoid overstimulating the baby with excess sounds, images, touches, smells, tastes, and movements.
  • Toys: give toys that the baby can physically and mentally manipulate and enjoy on his/her own – needs to observe the baby.
    • first 6-8 weeks: just looking and hearing
      • straight lines (drawn with markers) on a white card to stare at, can change colors to stimulate/calm the baby
      • soft and soothing lullabies
    • 2 months: the baby can turn his/her head
      • flash cards of wavy lines, circles, simple pictures (faces, houses)
      • soft and soothing lullabies
    • 3-4 months: can reach and grasp
      • responsive toys (good to touch, and/or generate noise) like rattles
    • 4-5 months: can roll
      • household items: a spoon, cubes and triangles (anything that fits into a toilet paper roll is too small)
    • 6 months: can sit up
      • things that reinforce an action, like a clown or jack-in-the-box
    • 8-10 months: can move and crawl
      • childproof the house
      • rolling toys, things that can be put in and taken out
      • games: peekaboo, nursery rhymes with body movements
  • Bathing tips
    • Don’t buy shirts that go over a baby’s head.
    • Make sure room temperature and water temperature is approprieate.
    • If the baby seems distressed at bath time, wait for a few days before trying again.
    • Don’t apply soap directly on the baby’s skin.
  • Baby Massage
    • Touch is the next sense that a baby develops, after hearing.
    • Can start as early as 3 months, starting with just 5 minutes after a bath.
    • Use baby oil or vegatable (non-scenting) oil to gently rub the baby’s body parts.

总结：在玩/动方面有几类活动——换尿布、玩玩具、洗澡、按摩，每一类活动都给出了一些 tips。具体来说随着月龄的增长，可以观察到 baby 应对外界环境的能力逐渐增加，可以增加各种各样的活动，但是一开始要注意不要过火。在活动的时候尽量多观察、少介入，让 baby 在安全的环境里来主导活动，以促进自立。

Chapter 6: Sleep #

  • The 3 stages of sleep
    1. The baby yawns and/or shows other signs of fatigue (turn face away, rub eyes/face, less coordinated).
    2. The baby has a focused and fixed gaze/stare for 3-4 min.
    3. The baby nods him/herself off and jolts awake suddenly, and repeat (like someone nodding off on a train).
  • Sleep (and putting him/herself to sleep) is a learned skill. Tips for training:
    • Start as you mean to go to: anything you do as a temporary measure might stick with the baby as a habit.
    • Independence is not neglect: respond to the baby, but put him/her down as soon as the need is met.
    • Observe without intervention: don’t respond to every noise because the baby needs to learn how to get back to sleep on his/her own.
    • Don’t make the baby dependent on props: avoid heavy-weight habits like nursing/carrying to sleep, or pacifiers.
    • Develop nap time and bed time rituals: say/do the same things before the sleep, and keep a sleep diary.
    • Associate sleep with a positive experience (set the mood as resting and recharging) for the baby.
  • Practical tips
    • Use a dedicated place for sleep (e.g. no napping in the kitchen), and use nap time rituals.
    • Look for signs of fatigue: ideally put the baby to bed by the 3rd yawn, otherwise the baby gets overtired.
    • Wind down before the sleep: dim the lighting, tell a story, play a lullaby or do a baby massage.
    • Put the baby down before he/she’s asleep to avoid the baby’s confusion after he/she wakes up.
    • Reassure the baby by patting on the back or add a sh…sh…sound if the baby doesn’t calm down.
    • May swaddle the baby for the first 6 weeks.
  • To help the baby sleep throught the night, make sure the baby
    • does’t oversleep during the day (wake up the baby if necessary)
    • gets enough feeding in the evening to stock up for the night (feed every 2 hours in the evening, a dream time feed at 11pm)
    • has enough time/practice to get back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night (don’t rush in responding to every noise)
    • has a pacifier for sucking (as a temporary cure) if he/she’s getting enough food and only wants oral stimulation
  • Normal sleep disturbances
    • Usually it takes ~20min to put the baby to sleep, but when there’s a loud noise, it has to start all over again.
    • The baby usually wakes up with a dirty diaper.
    • When solid food is introduced, the baby might get gas or allergies.
    • When the baby starts learning to move around, you can calm the baby down with pats and shhs.
    • Growth spurts and teething may disturb sleep patterns – let the baby bite on a frozen washcloth (only freeze a corner).

总结：对于 baby 来说睡觉需要练习，尤其是睡整晚的觉。所以尽量不要采取一些给照顾者增加负担的哄睡方式，以免 baby 产生依赖。最好是发现 baby 困了就放其睡觉，并提供合适的睡眠环境（安静、昏暗）。为了晚上能睡时间长一点，白天不要睡太多太久（跟月龄有关，书上提供了表格），睡前吃饱。不过有时候睡不好就是睡不好，没什么办法，都会过去的。

Chapter 7: Your Time #

  • Give yourself a break – realize that all moms need time to heal.
  • Some recovery items to consciously plan out: eat, sleep/nap, exercise, be off duty with the baby for a few moments every day, prioritize, plan for the upcoming, know your own limitations, time with partner/friend.
  • It’s all too common for moms to have mood swings among these: balanced, anxiety/pessimistic, miserable, denial, confusion/doubt.
  • Take psychological health seriously; ask for professional help for postpartum depression.
  • Typically dads’ reactions in the postpartum period: hands-on with the baby, hands-off, worry about everything, proud/criticizing, denial.
  • The relationship between partners change as well.
    • Mom feels overburdened: involve dad for things like shopping, bath, and dream feed so that he feels like he’s part of the process.
    • Talk openly about each other’s expectations, frustrations, and feelings.
    • Expect to make lifestyle shifts from daily schedule to sex life.
  • [less relavant] Create a circle of support from neighbors, friends, and relatives; tips for hire nannies.

总结：这章的内容可以说是最吓人的。对于母亲来说，分娩之后会面对很多生理上的不适，以及精神上的影响。一开始要多请帮助，不用为了证明自己或者放不下心而事必躬亲。对于双方来说，最好的情况是在分娩之前就要开动能力买好各种需要的东西、找好可以提供帮助的一些人，这样可以减轻之后的压力。对于父亲来说最好的情况是积极参与，不要和不被挑刺。两个人之间的关系也会受到各种挑战。

Chapter 8: Special Circumstances and Unforeseen Events #

总结：这章讲了多胞胎、早产、代孕/领养的心态以及应对方法。如果是早产的情况，在 due date 之前要控制视觉刺激并且注意卫生，之后几个月要关注baby的进步，一步步放开过度保护的心态。

Chapter 9: The ABC Cure for Accidental Parenting #

  • A chapter for troubleshooting and resolving the bad habits that the baby took up on – it can be changed by changing the parents’ behavior.
  • Identifying the issue –
    • A for antecedent: what did the parent do the baby. E.g. parents rock the baby on their chest and offer breast to soothe the baby.
    • B for behavior: how does the baby respond and look like. E.g. the baby’s often cranky and demanding.
    • C for consequences: the pattern established as a result. E.g. the baby can’t sleep on his own at 8 months.
  • The issue can be resolved by taking one step at a time.
    • Observe and figure out a strategy. E.g. If a baby is frightened about being in his/her own crib, try to stay with the baby around the crib for more time each day.
    • Do each step slowly – don’t rush, but be very consistent about the change. (Sometimes up to 100+ pick ups and put downs in/out of the crib per night.)
    • Attack one problem a time – e.g. daytime sleeping first, then night time sleeping.
    • Expect some regression, but still be committed to the plan.
  • It’s challenging to comfort a colic baby, but it’ll pass.
    • ~20% of babies suffer from spasmodically contracting gastrointestinal tract contraction – colic.
    • Symptom: prolonged crying of the baby for hours, typically the same time every day (3 hours of crying per day, 3 days a week, for 3 weeks+.)
    • Parents should take turns to take care of the baby while the baby’s crying (for stress relief, get out of the house).
    • There’s nothing a parent can do with colic, but putting the baby on E.A.S.Y. can take away the guess work and help the baby be comfortable when there isn’t a colic onset.

总结：accidental parenting 是一种为了暂时安抚 baby，无意中帮 baby 养成坏习惯的行为，结果经常是让父母更累更头痛。纠正这些问题需要从根本上认识到问题的根源，然后在几天到几星期内采取同一个方法来让 baby 形成新的习惯（书里提供了 troubleshooting 的表格）。具体举了几个例子：抱睡、每小时都要吃奶、不断哭闹、不能断奶。

看完这本书，感觉 Tracy 的这些理论还是很符合我的胃口的，因为不但讲了怎么照顾婴儿，而且讲了为什么做这些。在事前就订下一些规则会让做决策的时候容易很多，这本书推荐的 E.A.S.Y. 就是这样一种规则，一旦小孩生出来，就可以“无脑”照 E.A.S.Y. 来过日子。

↑